Valuing Friendship

from Elichkata and . . .am I more myself or less myself

I almost just lost a dear friendship. It was a stark reminder of how important it is to foster relationships that mean a lot to you . . . to me. I can give you all sorts of excuses, just like I tried to give her.  I just got super busy – the move, work, the kids, the house, the blog. It happened gradually, my emails got short, I stopped tweeting, her blog got lost in the 4,000 unread posts in my reader, our calls became non-existent, the planned visit got canceled. I completely lost touch. So when she courageously communicated that she wanted to focus on relationships that were more reciprocal, I felt physically sick at the thought I had let her down. Her friendship is so very dear to me.

Friendships aren’t how they were in college when I had endless time to hang out, grow and adventure together with friends. Part of this change has come as I’ve gotten older, raised a family and moved around. I make and have more friends through business, through activities, through the kids, through  school, through Sandy’s work, etc. With this new location in Baltimore, there is an entirely new round of folks to meet.  Still, there is only so much of ‘me’ to go around.

Add on to that, the whole blogging business, where making contacts and tweeting and pinning are essential for success, it’s been easy to spread myself horribly thin. All of a sudden, I’m madly managing acquaintances, garnering followers, networking and making contacts, not to mention keeping up family obligations. The time for the important friendships, the ones that really mean a lot, slip away. I’m talking about the friendships where I’ve felt that I resonate harmoniously with the other person immediately–the kind of connection that makes me think I may have known that person in a past life. These are the big ones–the ones to not let go. 

These are the friendships that are easy to lose sight of because the friendship seems so natural and obvious and easy.  How much effort could be required? It feels as if nothing could affect that connection. But, the truth is, I still need to care and tend these relationships. They require love and fostering. Otherwise, they are simply the promise of a friendship, an empty shell.

I want to prioritize the friendships that make me grow and expand, think in new ways, and become a better person.  The ones where I feel totally accepted and loved just how I am and vice versa. In the end, it’s our relationships that mean something, that matter in life, not one more post, or one more row, or one more load of laundry.  I am relieved to have made up with my friend and had an honest and loving dialogue with her. I am glad she gave me that opportunity. But, don’t delay, call that friend that you love so much and make sure you have a nice long chat. 

  1. wonderful post, Anne! So, let’s go take a class at FibreSpace and hang out sometime, k? :)

    • anne

      Yay! That’s just what I”m talking about! I’m looking up the class offerings now . . .will email shortly.

  2. Suzy

    Aww, love this post. Most of my friends have children now, I’ve moved from state to state, everyone is busy. I’ve lost touch with old friends, some because they seemed to drift away and I let go, others by mutual drift. Those occasional breakfast friend-dates over coffee or lunch meet-ups feel even more precious and real now. And they always leave me feeling happier and better than when I stumbled in!

  3. Aw I’m sorry it took such a shocker to get your attention; I agree it is really hard and different to maintain friendships after college and such. I don’t even know HOW I had so much free time to just “hang out” when I was twenty, even though I worked and went to school!

  4. Well said. Great post and timely reminder…it’s so easy to take our friendships for granted, so glad you got another chance to do it right. xo

  5. What a lovely post – every word rang true. I’m glad you were able to make up with your friend.

  6. you are absolutely right!!!
    xxx Ale

  7. This almost exact thing happened to one of my favorite girls about 2 years ago. And it was so hard to make the call to bring things back together, but totally worth it. Even though we hadn’t talked in more than a year, we were finally able to meet up and it was like that never happened :) It was wonderful.

    • anne

      I am glad that you made up with your friend. Its wondeful to reconnect, isn’t it?

  8. Camille

    Oh Anne. I love you so much. xoxox

  9. Frances

    Great reminder to focus on what’s important. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  10. This is a great post. At the end of the day, you remember what’s important.

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