As absolutely lovely as my time at the Makerie was, I experienced something the last day of that weekend that I find very difficult to talk about, which usually means that I should. This has nothing to do with my spectacular product photography teacher, Alessandra, whose class I attended that day, but has everything to do with me. I learned an amazing amount about my camera and how to set up good product shots. This post is not about the class, however, but more about what I felt during it. I include the product photos here to break up the text of this post a bit and to visually display my path and progress in the class.
That morning, upon arrival, I found myself in awe of the creative talent that surrounded me. My thoughts spiraled downward: how beautiful . . . wow! what an amazing aesthetic . . . she will be so successful . . . I’ll never match up to that . . . I’m not that talented . . . I am just not good enough at what I do. I plunged into a frustrating morning of self-criticism and doubt which, don’t tell anyone, even led to a little bit of crying in the bathroom.
So what spawns these short but dreadful bouts of the “not good enoughs?” Does it lie solely in the hands of habitual comparison? What initiates the questions “Do I measure up?,” “Am I good enough?” Two days later, I received an unexpected answer.
:: measurement of one’s worth in terms of productivity and accomplishment
:: perfectionists have a powerful drive and motivation to achieve pleasing aesthetics in everything they do.
Okay, well, long post – thanks for hanging in there with me to the end. I am thinking that the love of beauty runs prevalent among you. Lurking perfectionists and others, please comment. Perfectionist that I am, I’m sure to be looking for external approval from you all and am certain to feel extreme anxiety that this post was a huge flop!